These picture are all selfies, all taken last week. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel like I’m fading away a little more. If I had light eyes, I’d have no features at all!
What little hair I have is nearly transparent and my lashes and eyebrows are falling out now. I can only look somewhat normal with make up and a wig. I won’t lie, I don’t like the way I look right now.
Yes, I know it’s temporary. Hopefully, although now I’ve been reading that eyelashes sometimes come and go after chemo. Yes, I only have one surgery left. If there are no complications. I think I’m getting nervous and I’m just tired of dealing with everything and, God, I want my life back!
Please don’t tell me I’m brave or an inspiration. I don’t feel like I am. What I feel like is a big whiner. Yes, I know I’m entitled to my feelings. But I feel even guiltier having them. I know trading my hair for my health is something I would do again tomorrow if necessary. I’m just tired of looking like this.
Probably you should just ignore me and I’ll get my sense of humor back soon. And I’m only leaving these pictures up for a day or two…
Aloha is a Hawaiian word that can have many meanings, including friendliness, kindness and affection. It’s more common meaning in the English language is a greeting, either hello or goodbye.
I’m using it that way today because I’m excited to tell you (not show you just yet!) about one of the more common side effects of having breast cancer and chemotherapy. Back in November my hair started to fall out — all of my hair, everywhere on my body, except my eyebrows and eyelashes. They have thinned somewhat and I think a lot of my bottom lashes have come out, but I’ve always been a girl who likes make up so brows and lashes are relatively easy to camouflage. The hair on my head, not so much!
One of the benefits of chemo, aside from the big one of ridding me of any cancer cells, has been not having to shave or wax legs, underarms, bikini area. The hair was just gone, sort of like it rubbed off with any friction from clothing.
But since I had my last chemo treatment nearly a month ago now, I thought the stubble on my head was growing out a little. I couldn’t be sure cause it’s only about a quarter-inch long, but it feels a little different. Last night as I was smoothing on lotion — it’s still winter where I live — I could feel stubble on my legs, for the first time in months! I haven’t checked absolutely everywhere, but I think my hair is finally starting to grow back. So aloha!
Hubby: Sorry, Hon, I saw your hair on the table and meant to bring it upstairs. Want me to go get it?
Me: (Snickering) Bet you never thought you’d say that, hmm? Nah, it’s not like I’ll need it till morning!
Yay, I made it! Had my last chemo today and in exactly two weeks I will take my bald head and one saggy boob and one sloshy boob (nope, I don’t mean hubby 😉 although he’s going, too) to the beautiful Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort for a week of sitting at the pool and just enjoying the warmth of the sun on Maui!
There was a lovely little ceremony at the Cancer Center where all the nurses, techs and volunteers congratulated me on completing my journey and beating cancer, I rang a bell to send me on my way, there were hugs and yes, some tears, and I got a chance to thank all the lovely people who were always fun and supportive and kind. So, to Derrick, Kelly, Kari, Heather, Shannon, Juliet, today’s nurse, Tiffany, and everyone else at the Cancer Center, I love you all and really hope not to see you again! ❤