Category Archives: Monday musings

Yay, Yay, it’s Saturday…

What a disappointment  😉

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Monday Musings on Tuesday…

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Things are changing quickly around here!   That’s the loft area with new carpet in a color called Cinder.  It’s a mix of gray and beige, which I love.

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Here is part of the master bath where we (and by we I mean my brother and son!) put in Italian porcelain tile flooring and wood in the closet on the left.  My job was usually to help clean up, purchase materials that were needed and pick up lunch ☹️

One day on the market and we had four showings and an open house.  Then a full price offer that I accepted by the end of the day this past weekend.

Barring any inspection or financing issues, we are back to furiously packing up the rest of our stuff for storage or moving to oldest’s house where we will be living.  I know it will be bittersweet when we leave.  We had so many wonderful years at that house.  But I’m hoping the family that’s buying it will make years of great memories there, too!

Monday Musings on Tuesday…

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(I started this last Friday but, once again, time got away from me…) As I write this, a crew of three is installing new carpet up the stairs and in the loft and hallway of my house.  Which meant the boys and I were pulling up old carpet and padding, pulling out about a bazillion staples and vacuuming up dust and debris last night.  And that was kind of a typical day lately.

I’ll post some of the pictures of home improvement things we’ve been doing mostly ourselves, with the help of one of my brothers and sometimes my stepson and grandson.

Getting a house you’ve lived in for 27 years ready to sell takes some work.  And my dear hubby was a bit of an electronic packrat, so going through all that stuff is a little daunting.  At one point the boys were saying they found some stuff that they thought was to make a bomb!  (That I did recognize and part was an AB controller hubby was going to use to sync the Christmas lights and another part was handheld pieces for a drinking game!)  So even though it’s been a little sad, we’ve had some laughs, too.

Youngest and I are officially ensconced at JP’s house and I’m meeting with my realtor tomorrow to put my house on the market.  It’s too big and kind of lonely now with just the two of us and no dogs.

The picture is from the kitchen renovation.  New countertops and backsplash, original cabinets.  What do you think?

Monday Musings about Memorials and Memories…

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Yesterday my two boys and I, along with DDIL and JP, attended a memorial service at the chapel in the hospital where my husband passed away in early December.  It was small and informal with what looked to be about five families attending.  Apparently the hospital chaplains and grief counselors hold these quarterly services to celebrate the lives of people who died at the hospital or in hospice.

Chaplain Kim had lost an older sister when she was 17 and her family had few coping skills to deal with their grief, let alone the ability to teach their children how to handle their feelings.  The grief counselor lost her husband to a brain aneurysm many years ago when she was a 28-year-old mother of a three-year old daughter.  He lingered in a coma for nearly a month.  It was obvious that these events shaped their lives and career choices.

One woman who attended lost her 22-year-old son, father of three little ones, to a heroin overdose in December.  Another family lost their elderly father after a grueling hospice stay.

We had the chance to light a candle for our loved one and pick a stone from a bowl of lovely choices to keep with us as a tangible reminder of the love we had shared.  I chose one that is a bluish gray and reminded me of my husband’s eyes.  I think I will put it by his picture on my nightstand so it’s the last thing I see before turning out the light.

I was too emotional to speak to the group, but if I’d been able, I would have told them that Paul was my soul mate, a great father and papa and a wonderful husband.  He was a self made man from rural Tennessee who put himself through school on the GI Bill and became an electronic engineer.  He told me he’d known since he was a small child what he wanted to do for a living.  He found the whole process so fascinating when his family’s first little house finally got electricity that he had to understand how it worked.  And he eventually did!

What I gleaned from the memorial service were mostly things I already knew.  Any feelings you are experiencing about grief are normal and okay.  There is shock, denial, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance.  There can be a need to be alone or a need to share.  Self-care and socialization are important, but we all move at our own speed.  I feel like I’m somewhere  in the “fake it till you make it” phase.  I have moved on from shock and denial and am able to get through the days.

I’m packing up the house to sell but it’s not a hasty decision.  We had planned to move this year anyway, but instead of finding a new place right away, youngest and I will move in with JP’s family for a while.  My house is too big and holds too many memories.

And that’s as far as I’ve gotten.   I’m kind of day by day right now in the healing process.

Monday Musings…

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Slowly I’m getting back to writing.  I hope you like this first shaky attempt…

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That place where my heart dwelled
Has been raw and empty
A wound leaking life’s blood
Since the moment you left me…

Why keep drawing breath
Day after night after day
Searching for a semblance of reason
When faced with your untimely death

Grasping at thoughts while the mind reels
Holding close pieces of me that threaten to shatter
Searching for hope to let in the light
That every tortured breath steals

From my fractured heart to a sadder place
Where darkness reigns and mourning is king
No more attempts to bargain with a higher power
I accept our fate with reluctant grace

Deep in my soul I yearn to know again
The wonder of love in your glance
Will I ever move beyond the pain
And allow life another chance…

Weeks become months of their own accord
The sun rises and sets, oblivious to my despair
Then one day with dry eyes I awaken
To find I’m battered but still unbroken