Monthly Archives: December, 2018

Monday Musings About Blogging…

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My elderly, arthritic Chief…

I really thought I could start writing again but I don’t think I can do it yet.  It’s been about a month since my hubby died of a brain aneurysm and there are still more bad days than good.  Everything I see, everything I touch reminds me of what I’ve lost this year and I guess I’m just not ready yet to focus on only the good memories.  I literally feel a physical ache in my chest.

Christmas was tough this year.  Luckily Paul and I had decorated together after Thanksgiving because I wouldn’t have had the heart to do everything myself.  And Christmas has always been my favorite holiday so I’m especially saddened that I can’t find much joy this season.  The best part was watching my brothers’ and my grandchildren all playing together on Christmas Eve.  So maybe a little bit of joy!

But mostly I’m glad the holiday is over so I can stop pretending to enjoy things.  Some days I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep, but when night falls and I’m exhausted, sleep just won’t come.  I’m trying to take care of myself, but cooking is not something I relish on a good day, so it’s sure not interesting me now!   I wish I didn’t have all the paperwork to continue completing.  Insurance, benefits, investments, just a constant reminder of how my life has changed.

My son and I decided to spend New Years Eve at home with the elderly, arthritic Chief dog.  He wakes up barking in the middle of the night most nights anyway so he’ll be thrilled we’re here with him.  Maybe we can watch a movie, but if I fall asleep before midnight I’m okay with that this year.

I know with time things will get better for us.  I just don’t know how to move on right now…

 

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Yay, Yay, it’s Saturday…

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Yay, Yay, it’s Saturday…

Whoops…

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The Price of Love…

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I saw this on someone’s Facebook page so I don’t know who the author is, but it really does say it all.  Just wanted you to know I’m okay…

Monday Musings…

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UPDATE:  my husband passed away this morning at 11:22 a.m.  Life will go on, but it is forever changed…

I’m going to be taking a break from blogging, perhaps an extended one.  It’s 3:54 on Monday morning and I’m writing through a blur of tears as I sit in a hospital room as my dear, sweet husband of 37 years swiftly fades away.

Early Sunday morning he suffered a massive brain bleed and life became a whirlwind of ambulances, emergency rooms, phone calls and texts to relatives and the words you never want to hear — there is literally nothing we can do and chances of survival are about 3 percent.

My children who live close by gathered around and we talked and cried and tried to make some decisions.  I stayed overnight because I could not bear to leave.  I slept a few hours before the ICU nurse woke me to tell me his blood pressure had dropped significantly and he had spiked a high fever.  Still, there’s really nothing to do but wait and cry and feel my heart breaking.

We’ve had such a wonderful life together.  I know I’m very lucky and not everyone is blessed as I have been.  I just thought we’d have more time.  I want to thank you all in advance for your love and support and prayers because I’m not sure I’ll have the time or ability t respond to comments.  I love you all, too and I’m so grateful for your friendship.