Monday Musings About Blogging…

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My elderly, arthritic Chief…

I really thought I could start writing again but I don’t think I can do it yet.  It’s been about a month since my hubby died of a brain aneurysm and there are still more bad days than good.  Everything I see, everything I touch reminds me of what I’ve lost this year and I guess I’m just not ready yet to focus on only the good memories.  I literally feel a physical ache in my chest.

Christmas was tough this year.  Luckily Paul and I had decorated together after Thanksgiving because I wouldn’t have had the heart to do everything myself.  And Christmas has always been my favorite holiday so I’m especially saddened that I can’t find much joy this season.  The best part was watching my brothers’ and my grandchildren all playing together on Christmas Eve.  So maybe a little bit of joy!

But mostly I’m glad the holiday is over so I can stop pretending to enjoy things.  Some days I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep, but when night falls and I’m exhausted, sleep just won’t come.  I’m trying to take care of myself, but cooking is not something I relish on a good day, so it’s sure not interesting me now!   I wish I didn’t have all the paperwork to continue completing.  Insurance, benefits, investments, just a constant reminder of how my life has changed.

My son and I decided to spend New Years Eve at home with the elderly, arthritic Chief dog.  He wakes up barking in the middle of the night most nights anyway so he’ll be thrilled we’re here with him.  Maybe we can watch a movie, but if I fall asleep before midnight I’m okay with that this year.

I know with time things will get better for us.  I just don’t know how to move on right now…

 

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19 responses

  1. Oh, Dee, my heart aches for you guys. I know how hard it is to lose someone, but particularly near the holidays. I can’t begin to tell you how often J and I have thought about you. And will continue to do so. Please take care of yourself, even though I’m sure that’s not as easy as it sounds. And don’t be a stranger. Let us be a distraction for you, even if only for a short time. 😊

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  2. Your words capture your feelings so well. I am sad for your continuing pain. I know it is to be expected, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you. You are blessed to have family to support you. As to the New Year, you don’t have to move on yet. You just have to get through one day at a time. Praying for you that God will comfort and strengthen you in your sorrow.

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  3. hey. sending you love. it’s so okay to not pretend, to grieve, to take your time in healing and recovery. you don’t need to smile. until suddenly, one day, you really will feel like it. Wishing you so much love and strength for the new year.

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  4. I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been out of the loop around here. I’m sending you positive vibes & will be sure to keep you in my prayers.

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  5. Dee, I hope that you have a peaceful New Year’s eve, and day, and that sleep, and your appetite for food, and life, returns soon. Love and peace to you for the coming year. Hugs!

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  6. Dee, you’re always in my thoughts. You must take all the time you need to grieve and to process. Maybe writing your feelings down will help you work through them. And I don’t mean to suggest that you share; just keep a personal journal to say the things you need to say. Know that you are loved. Wishing you peace today and in the days to come. ❤️❤️❤️

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  7. Give it time. The sense of absence takes a very long time to fade… Don’t push yourself, accept that nothing can make it better. But life does go on, eventually. And kids are the saving grace, bless them. Sending you positive thoughts, and virtual hugs. Xxx

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  8. You have been on my mind, especially wondering how you and your Grandson did at Christmas time without your husband. It’s such a hard transition when everything is such a reminder.
    Whatever you decide with regards to the blog, know that you have a WP family that is thinking of you and praying for you while you grieve. God Bless you.

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  9. So sorry for your loss. I hope this next year brings you some joy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan. Of course it will, I just can’t picture it right now…

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  10. You will feel better. Maybe not soon, but it will come. You are well loved, starting right here and spreading far and wide. I’ll be praying God’s peace and strength comfort you and your family. Love you, Dee.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, my friend! I know it will get better, I just can’t imagine my life going forward…

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      1. Of course not. I sometimes think it’s better that way. Even at our best we sometimes can’t appreciate the gifts until we get past the shock, pain, anger…

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  11. My sincerest condolences and prayers for God’s peace and healing during this difficult time.

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  12. Diane, I’m so very sorry to hear about your husband. There’s nothing I could say to make things better, but know my heart is with yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you much for your kind thoughts! We r struggling but managing to move forward.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Truly my pleasure. Love to you. 💜

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  13. So very shocked & sorry to hear this news. I’ve been away from blogging for a year, dealing with some losses of my own. Take care of yourself and remember each day that healing will come. Be very patient; one day at a time. That’s enough for now.

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