Last night I dreamt a dream I’ve had several times before in different variations. I’m going back to school, usually college, because I found I’m one class short of graduating. This time I was in high school and I’d had to go back so that my college degree was valid, because I was one credit short in high school. Dreams never make much sense, at least mine. It was pretty vivid as I remember it was English class I was taking and the teacher asked me what class I was missing and when I told her, she nodded sagely and said, “Ah, yes, Latin.” Which doesn’t make a bit of sense why I would be in English class, especially since I’ve never taken one single Latin class in my life!
I remember feeling like I hadn’t studied enough, my paper wasn’t complete, I couldn’t do the test, everyone around me was finishing and when papers were handed back — poof, that’s it. Now the weird thing is, I have a high school diploma. I have a college degree. That all happened a long, long time ago. I do have a high school class reunion coming up next month so do you think I’m stressing about that? I don’t feel like I am. Yes, I’m older and heavier and grayer than I was in high school, but, geez, who isn’t in my class? I mean, we’re all the same age! I went to a really large high school with a graduating class of about 1200. My maiden name began with Z-Y, so you can imagine I was at the end of the line. My poor parents sat through graduation four times with us kids. Everyone did clap and cheer and throw their hats in the air when I finally walked across the stage, though! 😉
My thoughts about these dreams has been that somehow I feel like a fraud, like I don’t really have the degrees I say I do. Or could it be I’m anxious about something in life right now? I’m thinking of getting a book about analyzing dreams but if anyone has any suggestions or ideas about my dreams, please let me know. I did just hear something on the news about people who dream being less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, so there’s a plus!
It’s nearly a week after my surgery and I’m starting to feel a little more like myself today. I had some problems so the docs stopped my blood thinners (pills and shots) Saturday thinking I might be developing a hematoma. Let me tell you, I was afraid my brand new boob was going to end up pretty close to my collarbone! So along with the changes in my meds, my chest was wrapped with a wide elastic bandage to put additional pressure over the lovely post-surgical bra and I’ve been sleeping (or not) semi-upright in a recliner. And I am to continue walking around to lessen chance of developing a clot. Some of us are just more work, apparently…
And yesterday hubby washed my hair for me while I sat in a chair by the kitchen sink. It was heavenly! I had tried dry shampoo and it helped, but it wasn’t the same as having totally clean hair. Not being able to do things for yourself makes you very grateful for the little niceties.
Family and friends have dropped off delicious meals for us so we’re all well fed and I’m fixing my own coffee now as long as I lift and carry with my left arm.
I have a sponge like device over the wound, some type of wound vac that draws fluids away from the wound through tubes that go into an electronic box about the size of a small tv remote pinned to my left side. Usually it’s silent but every once in awhile it sounds like a cat. Always makes me smile when my pet device purrs…
And some really good news, the pathology report came back Stage 1a. By older standards, there would be no further treatment, but waiting to get results of genome test to see if chemo will be recommended. Another few weeks or so on those results. It’s a genetic test that can predict how the cancer will behave as far as reoccurring or not. Indications are that my cancer will be well behaved and not need further treatment. I ask you, would the Ladies have any other kind?
My mind is still foggy and I don’t think I can take anymore pain meds as they are messing with my dreams…though some might make good stories down the road if I remember them! Hopefully back to writing more soon.
I dreamt of you in Technicolor
Rays of light, ribbons of wonder
You bring brightness to dark spaces
Offer me brief respite from the shadows
Coax forth parts of me
That might be better hidden
But can’t be ignored
You push me I pull you
Together we’re more than symbiotic
Happy Independence Day.
I’m sorry that I won’t be reading or writing as much this week. I’m on vacation visiting family at Chez B in beautiful Virginia Beach! I promise I’ll catch up when I’m back next week….
Doubts sneak in shrouded in darkness
pushing away the bright
Searching out secret hideaways of hope
Filling voids with insecurity
Then pulling tight to crush wisps of
dreams never realized
where there need be none
Once misted with sparkle and shine
Orderly and wrought with purpose
Now dusty as wishes floating on the breeze
What once seemed so certain
now feels merely pointless
Simply pretentious busy work
Arrange and rearrange words on a page
to make a mediocre life seem more
~ Diane D.